Is there a good, secure messenger that I can convince my family to use?
To avoid data going elsewhere (even if it is encrypted), is it possible to host your own server on a common ‘Linux shared hosting’ plan? (I have no internet at home, so hosting on a home PC is not possible).
If setting up my own server isn’t possible, I am interested in any secure chat / instant messenger recommendations that you may have, as long as they don’t use Google’s services
Conversations + your own ejabberd / prosody server or one of the many free ones ( https://compliance.conversations.im see those with 100% of course)
If you want it even easier Quicksy is Conversations but only one account, based on phone number. You use their (aka Conversations developer’s) server, and you don’t need to hold your family/friends hand through account creation.
Yes, it has encryption by default 
There is also Matrix/Riot.im, which is not that mature yet, but has lots of momentum at the moment
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